When the Messenger Is Hot by Elizabeth Crane

Author:Elizabeth Crane
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: When the Messenger Is Hot
ISBN: 9781938604010
Publisher: Dzanc Books
Published: 2003-10-10T16:00:00+00:00

The Daves

LATELY, I have been dating guys named Dave.

Probably, I should just write: The End right here. It hasn’t escaped me that the Dave name has certain implications, multiples thereof notwithstanding. That if I were to write instead, “Lately, I have been dating a guy named Dave,” you’d probably still picture some sort of slacking/short-sleeve-shirt-wearing/senior-year-backpacking-in-Europe scenario. Whereas if I had said, “Lately I have been dating a guy named David,” you would maybe say, “Hm, I wonder what this story is going to be about,” you might even edit in your head, you might go, “Perhaps the word man in place of the word guy would have been a better choice.” Before you even read the rest of the David story, you would just know that any complications that ensued would be sophisticated and adult in nature, as a result of David the corporate lawyer who lavishes expensive gifts on me being maybe inherently uptight and having, like, dry-cleaned socks or underwear or something.

As opposed to:

The Daves:

Dave #1: Twenty-four years old. Freelance graphic artist. Smoker. One tattoo. Three roommates, one female. Occasional laundry-oriented absence of underwear.

Dave #2: Thirty. Something to do with the Internet. (Believe me, if I had any ideas beyond that I’d say so.) Smoker. Wears sandals. Frequent choice-oriented absence of underwear.

Dave #3: Thirty-one. Finishing graduate degree in religion. Smoker. Refers to futon as “bed.” Cat. Presence of underwear unknown.

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